I'm not proposing that you work this hard for 20 years. I did it until my oldest was 10 years old and my youngest was

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Mar 15, 2018
8:48:31am

HarlemCoug Playmaker

I'm not proposing that you work this hard for 20 years. I did it until my oldest was 10 years old and my youngest was

1. So for most of my kids they'll never remember that I worked long hours. They will remember all of the vacations we take and how their dad was always home (I work from home about half the time).

And my parents work for me so I talk to them all of the time - the work relation skews your question - but my wife talks to her parents weekly and we see them a couple of times per month. I hope to have a similar experience with my kids when they're out on their own (although I expect to travel with my kids more than I'm currently traveling with my parents/in-laws).

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HarlemCoug

Previous username: Big12
Bio page: HarlemCoug
Joined: Sep 8, 2014
Last login: Mar 26, 2025
Total posts: 38,096 (4,919 FO)

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Messages

Author

Time

POLL: An able-bodied man is 27 years old. Married. Wife stays home with their 1 year old. How many hours/week should he be working?

HarlemCoug Playmaker

3/14/18 7:00pm

The real answer is as long as it takes to adequately provide for his family.

SlantRoute

3/14/18 7:02pm

what if he can provide for his family by working 40 hours/week, but if he works 60 hours he could be saving for their

HarlemCoug

3/14/18 7:04pm

“Adequately provide” is all encompassing.

SlantRoute

3/14/18 7:05pm

I've seen people do each option and be great. I've seen workaholics lose their

Ulysses14

3/14/18 7:06pm

Which is why I like my answer.

SlantRoute

3/14/18 7:08pm

Its up to the couple. Mrs. Crack and I have both had periods of time when we

crack

3/14/18 7:08pm

My wife would be get depressed if I worked more than 50 hrs for too long

Noni Fruit

3/14/18 7:12pm

fools errand. can't get that time back

Mayor of Cougartown

3/14/18 11:40pm

it's a time investment. certainly not a fool's errand. it's exactly the opposite and my entire point. by spending more

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 2:20am

I'm not aware of too many kids who grow up and want to spend more time w/their

Non-donor troll

3/15/18 5:01am

Especially if they didn't have the time early on to grow a relationship with

supertux

3/15/18 6:00am

Especially if they're similarly spending all their time working

Gustav

3/15/18 7:52am

RE: I'm not aware of too many kids who grow up and want to spend more time

Byron McNertney

3/15/18 8:15am

I'm not proposing that you work this hard for 20 years. I did it until my oldest was 10 years old and my youngest was

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 8:48am

Here ya go-

messi

3/15/18 9:44am

Assuming you live that long...

russkiejedi

3/15/18 7:42am

Young kids need their father around. Lots of research on it.

spugeddy24

3/15/18 8:18am

working more hours need not mean you spend any less time with your kids. Perhaps for some it simply means they

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 8:54am

Paternal involvement needs to be early on. Spending more time at work before they are born can be good.

spugeddy24

3/15/18 9:22am

Serious question. Where do these magical extra hours come from?

dtownCoug

3/17/18 9:13am

I don't think it's as linear as you think it is. but agree to disagree

Mayor of Cougartown

3/15/18 9:56am

Why don't you just tell us the answer (which, I'll guess, is how many hours you

russkiejedi

3/15/18 7:38am

it will be very different for everyone. I was curious of how many most think is reasonable. It really is a personal

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 8:56am

<< Deleted >>

Buffalo

3/15/18 8:38am

that's not what I'm suggesting. My kids were 10 to 1 when I slowed down. What I'm saying is that spending even 5 or 6

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 8:58am

*potentially could have in some cases

Epileptic Beagle

3/15/18 9:33am

ding ding ding

supertux

3/15/18 9:35am

agreed -

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 10:11am

This I can agree with. I’m trying to figure out how to slow down now, 10+ yrs in

dtownCoug

3/17/18 6:32pm

What if his daughter is diagnosed with cancer and then passes away after an

El Pasco

3/16/18 9:19am

Depends on the job and salary

3/14/18 7:03pm

None of my business

YardTime

3/14/18 7:09pm

If they’re in your ward, then it is.

3/14/18 7:16pm

Does this 27 year old have a trust fund that he draws from?

3/14/18 7:23pm

If your focus is on time you’re doing it wrong.

nashty

3/14/18 7:28pm

why - isn't the best practice to figure out between you and your wife how many hours are reasonable (and get you the

HarlemCoug

3/14/18 7:32pm

I’m pretty sure if you asked most did it the other way around

nashty

3/14/18 7:35pm

what's wrong with 80 hour work weeks? The Prophet did it and he had tons of kids at home.

HarlemCoug

3/14/18 7:41pm

Regardless of what the prophet did, it should be a choice for couples to make

crack

3/14/18 7:47pm

agreed, that's why I thought it was unusual to say that if you're working 80 hours you "obviously" need to adjust things

HarlemCoug

3/14/18 7:47pm

Sorry. Should have used “probably”. Some couples can do that. Most can’t survive

nashty

3/15/18 9:11am

agreed - very few can survive that and even fewer of those should even try it.

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 9:16am

But you did, Harlem. Congrats!!!

ebv

3/16/18 10:36am

I know when I worked in the Fortune 100 world, that all the Managers and up put

Nat Gas Man

3/14/18 7:35pm

I’m with you. Nashty has if backwards

SlantRoute

3/14/18 9:01pm

Your own response lay above is money first. Then work the time it takes to get

nashty

3/14/18 9:18pm

Oddly enough, I didn't see "depends on what you and your wife determine is

russkiejedi

3/15/18 7:44am

Salaried or hourly? What type of goals do they have?

TheLoneCougar

3/14/18 7:52pm

Whichever allows the man to maximize his time with his wife and children because

Zach Morris

3/14/18 9:17pm

that's not our mandate. our doctrine is not to spend as much time as possible with our family. it's family first, but

HarlemCoug

3/14/18 9:36pm

I'm not understanding your point. Does it piss you off that people work

crazY

3/14/18 10:03pm

I used to work a lot, but now I don't. Working long hours has given me immense freedom. My hope would be that more

HarlemCoug

3/14/18 10:58pm

PS.... it's this "1 + 1 = 3" of working more when you're young that I wish more people understood.

HarlemCoug

3/14/18 11:13pm

The other thing that's silly about this "thought exercise" is that not all jobs

supertux

3/15/18 6:02am

This is very true

3/15/18 8:09am

Amen. I pride myself on my relationship with my wife and my daughter

RdF3

3/14/18 9:50pm

We put in super long hours when we were first married and saved/invested heavily

crack

3/14/18 10:21pm

That's not what he was saying at all. You totally missed the mark.

crazY

3/14/18 10:26pm

Probably. I might have responded in the wrong place.

crack

3/14/18 10:40pm

Ok - I will try responding a different way. I believe (though not 100% certain)

crack

3/15/18 7:48am

That's a fine principle, and makes sense. And I see what you're getting at.

russkiejedi

3/15/18 7:53am

Oh ok. I see what you are saying. Working long hours for the sole purpose of

crack

3/15/18 8:22am

Well, even if it's for something. Depends on what that something is. Grinding in

russkiejedi

3/15/18 9:05am

<< Deleted >>

Zach Morris

3/15/18 8:33am

that is what I'm saying - invest your time when you're young and it will have a multiplier effect and benefit

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 9:01am

And I think that's a fine strategy IFF you're all in it together as a family.

russkiejedi

3/15/18 9:20am

agreed - one problem with internet posting is that if you take the time to discuss every aspect of how you feel about an

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 11:37am

Does it include church calling?

whiteninja

3/15/18 5:23am

His happiness probably isn’t dependent solely on his income.

Epileptic Beagle

3/15/18 7:18am

And when you look back on your life . . .

bluebooks

3/15/18 7:26am

Your hypothetical describes my family situation almost exactly.

ldssdl

3/15/18 8:28am

exactly - the extra minutes you spend now could lead to hours more time spent with your kids.

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 9:03am

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that many, like me, have no idea what

supertux

3/15/18 9:13am

Do you think it was wrong for Pres Nelson to spend so many hours away from his family? He has 10 kids and was

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 9:25am

Yes and I think that GBH was wrong as well. Anyone who does this is wrong. I'm

supertux

3/15/18 9:27am

I think it's wrong not to recognize the sacrifices that decision entails and

russkiejedi

3/15/18 9:32am

agreed

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 10:12am

I think what you’re missing is that just because you feel that this path

Epileptic Beagle

3/15/18 9:32am

curious why you think I'm saying this is for everyone? I don't believe this is for everyone.

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 10:14am

In this thread you have defended your position against nearly every counter

Epileptic Beagle

3/15/18 10:29am

sorry if I wasn't more clear that I think it's wise that everyone sit down and plan things out with their

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 11:48am

I still don’t think you’ve clarified why working more than 40 hours a week is so

Capricious Cougar

3/15/18 10:08am

I think the example of a doctor is worth considering. Early in their career they make huge sacrifices of time

HarlemCoug

3/15/18 10:30am

Makes sense—varies a lot by career path.

Capricious Cougar

3/15/18 12:19pm

You sacrifice so you don’t suck at your job and hurt people.

3/15/18 5:27pm

Are you a doctor?

Capricious Cougar

3/15/18 5:46pm

This statement works in one AND ONLY ONE career category: entrepreneur

3/16/18 11:54am

Less than me, I’m pretty sure.

3/16/18 4:18am

I think there are going to be A LOT of people who wished they'd worked more. The lead article on CNBC right now says 65%

HarlemCoug

3/16/18 7:35am

A study was done decades ago where people were asked how much they make...

3/16/18 7:50am

When I look back on my career, I can’t imagine wishing I had worked more.

Epileptic Beagle

3/16/18 7:59am

I think the only ones who will wish they spent more time at work will be the ones who don't have enough money. Here's

HarlemCoug

3/16/18 8:25am

40 hours a week should be plenty for most people. In fact the quality of life and emotional

Zach Morris

3/16/18 8:46am

Agreed - 40 hours/week is enough for most people.

HarlemCoug

3/16/18 10:06am

If money is your only measurement of happiness. I spend a lot of time at work myself, but this week I spent Spring

3/16/18 11:17am

I'm glad you've had a great week and wish you the best of luck in improving your relationship with your daughter. Work

HarlemCoug

3/16/18 11:32am

That chart doesn’t have any information about income or output from those hours.

Capricious Cougar

3/16/18 2:30pm

You're back at trying to justify your career / time choices again?

ebv

3/16/18 10:34am

I’m at home today snuggling with my one year old after working my 40

LaserCoug

3/16/18 11:21am

Is the wife able to contribute an income?

JOPE

3/17/18 5:55am

Depends on his job.

3/17/18 6:25pm

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