I take the kid everywhere, and we do everything together. He's more like me than my other kids so we have a special bond. He's just always by my side. I can only imagine the suffering you're going through. It's so sad that such a normal routine thing can end in such a devastating tragedy. My wife has seen me cry once in over 12 years of marriage, and I am typing this in the bathroom so she won't see me crying. I wish bad things didn't happen to good people, but I pray that the Lord will help ease your suffering.