When I was 10 yrs old, my 9 yr. old brother was killed while horseback riding in the mountains with my dad. He was my closest friend and I understand the heavy fog that just won't go away and instead of waking up from a nightmare you wake up to it. I watched my Dad struggle though his grief for years. He stayed strong for his wife and kids but I'm sure that he struggled privately. Your wife and kids will need you more than you know. I am so sorry for your loss and your suffering. As a father, I'm sure that the pain and grief is even greater. Especially, if like my dad, you feel some responsibility for the accident. There is no feeling more helpless and consuming than what you are feeling now. The pain may decrease over time but it will never go away completely. I'm so sorry for what you are going though. You will see your son again! Maybe he and my brother (also a huge BYU fan) can play ball together while they wait for us to join them.