When they are going through it, there's not a lot that can be said to console them. As a parent it's devastating because you know how bad they want it and you are somewhat helpless. I always tell them how proud and happy I am that they had the balls to try! Doing your best, win or lose, and going for it is 90% of the battle. My son was a good athlete, captain of his high school soccer team at a large 6A school. I regularly remind him though that the most impressive season he ever had in my opinion was his freshman year on the sophmore football team when he only played 5 or 6 plays the entire year. He never missed a practice, never stopped fighting for playing time, he never gave up, even though the coaches gave up on him. All his friends were getting playing time while he was standing on the sidelines. We moved his sophomore year, which was super hard for him too, but he tried out again for the sophmore football team at this other school and ended up starting at cornerback and had a phenomenal season. Life is weird for kids.

My daughter played club soccer for years on one of the top teams in the state. As a freshman, she didn't make the high school team when some of her friends and club teammates did. She was devastated! Cried for a few days. Me and my wife were heartbroken for her. We felt she should have made it over some of the other girls. (I know, first world problems, but to her, it felt like her world was ending and all her hard work on club was for nothing). I emailed the coach to get some feedback on what she needed to do better to possibly make the team the following year, but never received a response. She tried again and made the team her sophomore year. She played JV the entire year while a few of her friends played and started on varsity. She made a name for herself though on JV. The JV coach loved her hustle and speed. Her junior year she played quite a bit of varsity and started the last half of the season. Her team made it to the state championship game and lost to their rivals that year. Her senior year she started every game and was captain of the team. She considered giving up soccer after she was cut her freshman year. I'm glad she doubled down and tried again her sophomore year.

Fast forward a few years and my son and his friends are starting their junior year of college this year. They are deciding on careers now and prepping for law school, med school, and other degrees that will have a massive impact on the rest of their lives. Some of the best athletes and most popular kids in his high school are now struggling with grades and discipline and trying to navigate this new world they are in. It makes all the high school sporting drama seem irrelevant and insignificant, even though at the time it was all that seemed to matter. I look back on what was important for me as a parent too and realize I was probably too caught up in all the high school sports stuff. Keeping a long term vs short term perspective is important for both the kids and us adults.

My most successful friend was on the swim team in high school. He was just an average dude, not the most popular, not the best athlete, not someone who necessarily stood out with the ladies. He was a hustler and a fighter though. He understood the long term vs short term gratification thing and kicked butt in college. He went to work for Bain Capital after school. He later worked for Goldman Sachs and went on to Harvard Business School. He owns a venture capital firm and many well known businesses today. He's married to a beautiful lady and has some amazing kids.

Perspective, timing, grit and hard work are ultimately what matter. The hard part is figuring out how to instill that in ourselves and our kids. I'm still trying to figure it out.