To even post this took a tremendous amount of courage on your part. I admire your courage. Take it one day at a time and don't be too hard on yourself. Mistakes happen, we are all human. Don't give up, make sure you get the proper counseling because you will need to talk about this and work it out.

I am sure that your son is now in paradise with God.

"Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection - Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life. And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow." (Alma 40:11-12)

I pray that God will bless you in your suffering and that you will forgive yourself, as you did nothing wrong.