we can take comfort in the fact that he is in a better place...as stated in Alma 40: "...a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow."
but for you, my dear brother, this has to be torture...get all the help you need. i am praying for you that this gaping wound in your heart be healed and that you can somehow experience some of the same comforting feelings your son is now experiencing on the other side.