Being able to set boundaries is important in any relationship.

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Sep 24, 2024
12:15:43pm

gopman Truly Addicted User

There's much more to say about how to set boundaries & enforce them but it'd cause a nuclear meltdown on cougarboard.

This message has been modified

Originally posted on Sep 24, 2024 at 12:15:43pm

Message modified by gopman on Sep 24, 2024 at 12:16:54pm

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gopman

Bio page: gopman
Joined: Feb 15, 2006
Last login: Sep 24, 2024
Total posts: 3,614 (14 FO)

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Messages

Author

Time

Help, HCBW hates me - what should I do?

zetta

10:48am

RE: Help, HCBW hates me - what should I do?

IGlowInTheDark

10:50am

Find reports of the scam online to show her it's a scam.

Archaea

10:51am

I cannot find reports of this exact same thing

zetta

10:53am

It follows all of the scam techniques. It's a scam.

Archaea

11:00am

Preferably from the FBI if you can or other legal sources.

Mister P

11:00am

The link to reddit shows it's a scam.

Archaea

11:45am

You kind of buried the lead here. Do you have a terminal illness?

JuicyJam

10:52am

Stage IV metastatic cancer

zetta

10:54am

Yikes. So sorry! What a tough situation for you and your family.

runningfoo

12:40pm

Call the local police station and see if you can talk to someone about scams and

rebelCoug

10:56am

Local police will be of great assistance in tracking scammers in Vietnam

zetta

10:58am

He's not saying to do it to find the scammers... you might want to do it so the cops can verify to you/your wife that it

HarlemCoug

11:12am

PS - while you try to prove it's a scam... have her try to prove it's not. Have her show examples of people who have

HarlemCoug

11:32am

I'm guessing even the cops wouldn't be able to convince her.

OrsoNero

11:32am

But... verification from the cops is prob all the OP really needs to put a stop to the flow of funds. He's able to

HarlemCoug

11:38am

That's a fair point. "Sorry, honey, the police said. . ."

OrsoNero

11:42am

State AGs and FBI have more information about this sort of thing

Archaea

11:00am

If only you knew the background of our meeting and the subsequent visit with FBI

zetta

11:41am

Yikes...I would definitely not keep adding money to that account

volleyjiver

10:57am

I offered to take her to the bank to discuss and she refused

zetta

11:01am

Deep down she knows it's a scam...but she's blaming you for it.

volleyjiver

11:04am

Keep it real: "This is a scam. I don't support it. I understand how you feel."

Plantagenet

10:58am

Don’t do it. Giving her the money to give to the scammer won’t help your relationship.

Cougar-Duck

10:58am

Have you looked at possible legitimate alternatives to help her find a way to start making money?

Black Diamond Bay

11:01am

Any suggestions for a job she can do? I told you her background

zetta

11:20am

Go to ward employment specialist or a head hunter.

Archaea

12:50pm

It's only money. Write on paper "if x happens next" she must be done w/ this.

quantum valeat

11:01am

And see a marriage counselor.

quantum valeat

11:04am

She needs to hear it from someone she trusts, besides you. Friend, family member

Pro Logic

11:01am

She literally only has friend who already helped her, she doesn't want my family

zetta

11:06am

She will learn the hard way, but don't support it.

Plantagenet

11:10am

Tell her you need to take care of your son and that you are going to put that

Chester Copperpot

11:06am

Youre lucky you are only at 6k right now. We have an employee that is falling

md7Coug

11:08am

Why doesn't he get it? Let him lose all of the money and see if he gets it.

Plantagenet

11:11am

Unfortunately him losing all his money will negatively impact us. We are lookin

md7Coug

11:12am

He still won't get it even after that. I've seen it, they'll blame someone else

Chester Copperpot

11:13am

True, but experience is a tough school master.

Plantagenet

1:43pm

So she paid $3,000 and made $140. Does she not understand basic math?

WJCougar

11:09am

The scammers are very good at deceiving people who are vulnerable

zetta

11:24am

I assume this is TIC.......

gopman

11:10am

Not funny if it is.

SBB

11:26am

Doesn't read like TIC to me.

OrsoNero

11:29am

Trolling.

gopman

11:30am

Least attention-seeking troll ever. OP has 27 posts in 14 years.

OrsoNero

11:35am

If true this is a much bigger issue of "frame". Not a comfortable

gopman

11:40am

It's not comfortable, but CB is very helpful in this sort of situation.

OrsoNero

11:48am

Being able to set boundaries is important in any relationship.

gopman

12:15pm

Very very uncomfortable

zetta

12:15pm

No way

STL

11:35am

Assuming it were not a scam, why can't she earn out her investment first?

OrsoNero

11:28am

That is her compromise to me but we have to send $5,000 more to get added tasks

zetta

11:43am

Why would any legitimate job require YOU the employee/contractor spend money

Archaea

11:45am

exactly

zetta

12:39pm

Some scammers play it very well. The point is to get as much money flowing

Plantagenet

1:49pm

Bring in the cops. Make her meet w them w you.

YSMACK

11:36am

Some people need to learn the hard way.

materialized

11:40am

Here's a Reddit post discussing the scam. Not sure that will be enough though

CosmosMeow

11:40am

This is what I saw and tried to convince her with

zetta

11:46am

If that's the case, I don't see any way to convince her.

OrsoNero

11:47am

It's not about convincing her. It's about setting & enforcing boundaries.

gopman

12:31pm

Frame.

gopman

11:41am

This is super sticky. Simple answer, Id keep trying to convince her. If it doesn't work, I wouldn't give her the money.

TRUE_BLUE_COUGY

11:52am

This^^^ No way do I fund more and I'd pull out any & all money there might still be in the account then close it.

Soupie

1:30pm

Let her be angry because she may need the money once you're gone.

Archaea

1:32pm

Yes. Explicity tell her this.

Plantagenet

1:51pm

This isn’t meant to sound mean, but suggest that she DoorDash/Uber Eats for

Ikuna

12:14pm

Driving is not a strength - she only got her license about a year ago

zetta

12:49pm

The strain of knowing she will lose you and being responsible for the child must

scrambled egg

12:18pm

I have learned from personal experience in these situations things will be all

Plantagenet

1:54pm

Apologies for prying, but how long have you been married? Wasn't there

Emmett Fitz-Hume

12:29pm

Married for 3.5 years, met online about 6 years ago, both alone with no friends

zetta

12:45pm

Are you active at church?

Black Diamond Bay

1:32pm

The Church has very good resources to help her develop self-reliance based on

Plantagenet

1:56pm

On my way home from infusion treatment - feeling numb from head to toe

zetta

1:49pm

Don't do it. Been there with the serious cancer at a younger age. She'll need the $$ & be even more mad

Soupie

1:52pm

You should never knowingly get scammed

Blue Cougar

1:49pm

Are you in Utah? Maybe CB can help with leads for jobs...

homegrown

2:17pm

Based on his posting history, he is in Spring, Texas.

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