beat myself up about it. Just a horrible coincidence of what should have been a totally benign joke.

But I’ll remember that feeling forever. That incredibly potent instant regret. An immediate pain and guilt that can only exist with empathy and care for the person you’ve hurt. I think you can say something hurtful to someone when you’re angry and it doesn’t affect you immediately like it should. Most of us have eventually felt much more (legitimate) guilt than this for something we said in a heated moment. But this was just a person I liked that I hurt deeply (albeit briefly) for absolutely no reason and with no malice, and so I could feel the regret more potently and instantly. It was very different and kind of hard to explain. Very helpless feeling.

And I’m probably just a little bit wiser for having experienced it.