Cougarboard has been a great party. I got here when it was first ramping up with Crowton putting starters back in against AFA to get them records and setting off a five year feud, and it is still going strong with conference realignment and Riley-heaps love-ins.

But, it has been said that one of the true social gifts is knowing when to leave a party. And, as as I have been cruising the house looking for excitement, I have noticed that my friends have all left and the demographics have changed, and I have realized that my time has come to make my exit.

I don't write this to be another narcissist on the board over the years who announce they are leaving to draw attention to themselves. No, I write this because before I leave I wanted to write one more post, to share some of the things I have learned over the years on the board with the next generation. This is wisdom gleaned over thousands of hours over many years on this board, and I pray that the Lord will have mercy on my soul for it.

So, without getting any more maudlin, here we go:

* If you have a canker sore, the best remedy is not oragel, but hydrogen peroxide. Buy a bottle for 50 cents at the supermarket, dilute 1 part peroxide with 2 parts water, swish it around your mouth before eating, and you will not only kill the pain, but also the bacteria causing the canker sore. Do that a for a couple of days as needed before you eat or brush your teeth, and it will be gone.

* It has not been revealed whether at Judgement Day we will be condemned for the posts we have made here on the board, or blessed for the posts we refrained from making.

* It is perfectly acceptable to use "yewt" as a swear word in real life.

* It is not perfectly acceptable to refer to CB friends as friends in real life, unless you have actually met them at least once and they actually told you their real name. Defiance of this rule leads to embarrassment and mocking.

* It is not perfectly acceptable to post on a rival board and "play nice" there, acting like you understand them, only to come back to CB and spew hate and venom about that rival.

* On that note, utefans is an outlaw site that takes pleasure in being repugnant, being rumor mongers, and getting people fired in real life for posting on message boards: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=6518980
and http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=1491783

* Some of the best humor on the board is only a board search away. See: "Goatnapper'96" , "PaloAltoCougar", "Insensitive PAP", and "Funky Cougar" and "The Great Bernard Hoax". Also, calling Bernard "Bernads" won't get you korihored from the board. Oh, and the Dodgers are the official MLB team of Cougarboard.

* Dr. Pepper ribs are a perfectly acceptable alternative for guys craving ribs, but without a smoker: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=5517671 Alton Brown's rib recipe works, too, as long as you double the cooking time he recommends.

* The religion section of the board is like the Apocrypha...every once in a while you find some gems of truth. Oh, and if you are truly trying to be a disciple of Christ, and you share your efforts and struggles with your children, they will most likely have a healthy attitude about religion, the church, God, and their own testimony.

* This is good: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=5624545

* Marry someone who it is easy for you to live with. If it is a struggle to spend time with them, and you are on edge, and you fight, that it likely not a good sign...considering you are considering SPENDING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE WIT THIS PERSON.

* Pray about who you are thinking of marrying.

* Don't listen to that stupid advice to "don't go to bed angry". Go to bed, get a good night sleep, and then revisit it when you both aren't tired, stressed, and angry.

* Despite ute fans' protestations to the contrary, BYU is a special place. Some people like to act like they are special because they are affiliated with it, but their error does not change the fact that BYU is special as part of the LDS church's history and future: A missionary died so the BYU Jerusalem center could be built:
http://www.cougarboard.com/noframes/message.html?id=3791793 Elder Bateman quoted John Taylor as testifying that Christ directs BYU. http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=2123 And Elder Holland testified to the mission of BYU:

Now, in his talk President Holland had just spoken of Karl Maeser's last visit to his beloved campus. He then told this story:



Several years after Brother Maeser's death a proposal was made to construct a memorial building in his name, not downtown on University Avenue but high atop Temple Hill, where a new campus might be built consisting of as many as three or perhaps four buildings someday. The cost would be an astronomical $100,000, but the Maeser Building would be a symbol of the past, a statement of aspiring tradition, an anchor to the university's future.

In spite of a staggering financial crisis clouding the very future of the university at the time, the faculty and student body took heart that in 1912 the Maeser Building was at least partially complete and the university would give diplomas to its first four-year graduating class. But even as graduation plans were being made, equally urgent plans were underway to sell the remainder of Temple Hill for the development of a new Provo suburb. The university simply had to have the money to survive. Eighteen members were graduating in this first four-year class, but even if the student body tripled in the years ahead, surely there would be more than enough room to accommodate them on the space now occupied by the Maeser, Brimhall, and Grant buildings on our present campus. Yes, the rest of the space on the hill should be sold. The graduation services would conclude with a sales pitch to the community leaders in attendance.

When Alfred Kelly was introduced that morning as the student graduation speaker, he rose and stood absolutely silent for several moments. Some in the audience thought he had lost the power of speech. Slowly he began to speak, explaining that he had been much concerned over his remarks, that he had written several versions and discarded every one of them.

Then, early one morning, he said, with a feeling of desperation regarding his approaching assignment, he walked north from his downtown apartment to where the partially completed Maeser Building stood (as Horace Cummings would later describe it) as an "air castle" come to earth on Temple Hill. He wanted to gain inspiration from this hope of a new campus, but he felt only grim disappointment. The sky was starting to glow from the morning light, but the darkly silhouetted Maeser Building seemed only a symbol of gloom.

Kelly then turned his eyes to view the valley below that was also still in shadow. The light from the rising sun was just beginning to illuminate the western hills back of Utah Lake with an unusual golden glow. As morning came, the light gradually worked down from the hilltops, moved across the valley floor, and slowly advanced to the spot where Kelly stood.

He said he partially closed his eyes as the light approached and was startled by what he could still see. He stood as if transfixed. In the advancing sunlight everything he saw took on the appearance of people, young people about his age moving toward Temple Hill. He saw hundreds of them, thousands of young people coming into view. He knew they were students, he said, because they carried books in their arms as they came.

Then Temple Hill was bathed in sunlight, and the whole of the present campus was illuminated not with one partially completed building, nor with homes in a modern subdivision, but rather with what Kelly described to that graduating class as "temples of learning," large buildings, beautiful buildings, hundreds of buildings covering the top of that hill and stretching clear to the mouth of Rock Canyon.

The students then entered these temples of learning with their books in hand. As they came out of them, Kelly said their countenances bore smiles of hope and of faith. He observed that they seemed cheerful and very confident. Their walk was light but firm as they again became a part of the sunlight as it moved to the top of Y Mountain, and then they gradually disappeared from view.

Kelly sat down to what was absolutely stone-deaf silence. Not a word was spoken. What about the sales pitch? No one moved or whispered. Then longtime BYU benefactor Jesse Knight jumped to his feet and shouted, "We won't sell an acre. We won't sell a single lot." And he turned to President George Brimhall and pledged several thousand dollars to the future of the university. Soon others stood up and joined in, some offering only a widow's mite, but all believing in the dream of a Provo schoolboy, all believing in the destiny of a great university which that day had scarcely begun. (See B. F. Larsen, "Fifty Years Ago," speech given at a BYU Alumni meeting, 25 May 1962, B. F. Larsen biographical file, BYU Archives, pp. 45.) [In Holland, "Who We Are," pp. 2426]

* Most of the best rivalry smack ever written is only a board search away: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=3220219 http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=2305685

* Sometimes learning some of the lore of the board is funny: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=2208795
http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=1687678 http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=720052

* There are a lot of amazing stories on this board: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=739608

* Indy Coug is right about pass efficiency and pass efficiency ratio: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=1157729

* The ute flag flying outside whittingham's house was once the subject of a cb intelligence operation.

* CB actually goes before the birth of the CB archives, so some people who think they are special actually pre-date their "joined on" date.

* (they aren't)

* The funniest day of this board, ever, was when the "story" of the utefan pirate ship broke: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=1357134 (and a hundred more. searching for posts by that date is like a "best of cougarboard" in a one day snapshot.

* ok, one more: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=1406886

* the popular myth about Mormon divorce rates is a bunch of yewt: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=1433571

* sometimes ute fans are visited by the spirit and truth is whispered into their souls: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=1504907

* yuuummmmmm...http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=1495403

* change your washing machine hoses every 5-10 years or so, or you will come home one day to lots and lots of water in your house.

* there was once a guy named grapevine, who inspired a board contest. This guy won: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=1584300

* Bernard is cursed to walk the earth until he gets his baptisms total back to 0.

*oh, and in conclusion, the utes suck: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=3047887

Cheers, all, and Merry Christmas!