You and your wife are doing everything that he needs, and he is so much better for the love and nurturing you’ve given him.
Sometimes kids really struggle, and that’s so hard in and of itself for loving parents to watch. Please don’t beat yourself up, you’re helping so much even if he’s struggling.
I wish I had some good practical advice that I know you’re looking for, but just wanted to remind you that you’re really wonderful and he’s fortunate to have loving parents in his corner.