than I had anticipated. I was very emotional all week leading up to the funeral and didn't want to give a talk. Every time I tried to focus on writing my talk, I couldn't even get started. I stayed up every night, laying in bed, trying to think of what to say, but could never focus. I was a wreck and thought there was no way I could stand up there without losing it. I prayed for help, but had a hard time feeling much peace, I just missed my dad and felt very lonely and thought there was no way I could truly honor him.

Eventually, I had a moment of clarity, that I didn't need to write my talk, but to just lead with a theme. I sometimes write my talks out word for word, and sometimes do bullet points, but felt that I didn't need that. I thought about stories and experiences I wanted to share, noted the most important ones, but also just kind of let the rest come to me. I more or less just talked instead of giving a talk.

My talk wasn't perfect, but it worked out great and really was a good balance to my brother's more traditional talk. It ended up being fun, funny, nostalgic, and a genuine celebration of my dad's life. Even more importantly, I was able to stay very stable emotionally. That day was still very hard, but I know I was helped with my talk. Your dad reminds me so much of mine, they could have been brothers. I felt so deeply that I would never be able to do his life justice, and in some ways probably didn't. However, how you decide to honor your dad, you will be helped and he will be proud.

Getting through the funeral week after death is the hardest part. Emotions are raw, all of your notions of life, death and faith are challenged. There is a huge empty hole in your heart where a very important aspect of your life used to live that you have to now have faith that they are not gone forever, just from this life. It's not easy, but never was meant to be.

My wife lost her mom to cancer early in our marriage. I didn't get to know her enough to be very emotionally attached to her, and I am not emotional in general, so I had a hard time understanding what she was going through and how to help her at the time. It took her a long time to feel good about where her mom was. She shared this talk from Pres Nelson with me that helped her a lot, and really helped me too. There's a quote in it that can help you understand why it's so hard. "Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love." Our deep love for our fathers explains the deep grief we feel.

So many senses are heightened by the holidays, and you will be caught off guard and feel the pain of that empty hole constantly. It won't be easy, I have randomly cried more times driving around in my car than I ever have in my whole life. I miss my dad dearly and still have to remind myself every day that I can't just go visit him, but I'm finding more comfort as time passes that I know he's happy, pain free, and he's still in my life and cares about me and my family deeply.

Godspeed brother, I'm praying for you, you've got this.

Doors of Death