WebMonkey: Okay Utes, we've gathered here today to come up with some ideas to really promote the team and generate some electricity around this year's football season. Remember, we can't rely on Urban for our PR efforts anymore -- he really set a high bar for us -- for example, their will probably be more than 40 million people watching this game against Arizona after last year's success -- but Kyle is a bit of a bore, and won't be able to smooth the media like Urban did.

UtesRus: If we want to generate "electricity", why don't we hand out 45,000 red t-shirts that have a lightning bolt on them, and say: Red Lightning!

WebMonkey: That's a great idea UtesRus, but I think Air Force already kind of has ownership of the whole lightning bolt image -- besides, after Tempe, there might be a bit of trepidation around electricity after the whole tazer fiasco.

TrailerParkUte: Trepi-what?

SeattleUte (CatBlue): Just because another school is using something doesn't mean we can't? Remember the Utah Man? Urban totally ripped that off from Texas A&M.

WebMonkey: That's a good point -- we're the Utes after all. We're superior to every other school, so we really should have first right to any other logo, mascot, or tradition. But I'm still a little worried about the Tazer association.

TrailerParkUte: I got Tazered last night when I was done pulled over by the Poh-leece.

WebMonkey: Riighhhhtt -- okay, lets move on -- any other ideas?

UtesRus: What if we handed out 45,000 signs that said "The Prophet is a Ute" That would be Awesome!!

WebMonkey: Okay, that's not a bad idea...but remember, we don't play BYU until the end of the season. This first game is against Arizona.

UtesRus: Well, aren't there a lot of Mormons in Arizona?

SeattleUte (CatBlue):Yeah, that's true! What if we also petitioned boosters and fans to contribute funds to a "truth campaign". We could purchase pamphlets and other handouts from Chick publications and other anti-mormon publishers and then we could pass them out to Arizona fans as they entered the stadium!

WebMonkey: Okayy...umm...well I think there actually are a few Mormons that are Ute fans and players...and I think many of our most wealthy boosters are Mormon as well...sooo...we'll just write that down on the board. Any other ideas?

RaiderUte: I know! Let's build a pirate ship! We can bring beer and drink and dress up like pirates, and we can drink beer too.

Aaron Rodderick: Isn't the pirate thing kind of an Oakland Raider...?

WebMonkey: We've been over that Aaron, there is no tradition or mascot that Utah is unworthy to adopt.

RaiderUte: Hey TrailerParkUte, do you still have that old trailer? We could use that for the pirate ship and drink beer and stuff.

TrailerParkUte: Well, I kinda been shackin’ up in that there RV...

Aaron Rodderick: Isn't your, I mean OUR mascot a bird...err...um...I mean an Indian? I mean, wouldn't the whole pirate thing....

WebMonkey: ...Hang on Aaron, I think RaiderUte is on to something here. Remember that Kyle wanted to see a "Red Sea of Redness" at this game.

Aaron Rodderick: Red Sea of Redness?

WebMonkey: Yeah! You see Aaron, historically Pirates traveled on “ships”, and these “ships” were floated upon "Seas" so as you can "see" a "Pirate Ship" is very appropriate, because it can float on Kyle's requested “Red Sea of Redness”.

Aaron Rodderick: Yeah, I get that but…

RaiderUte: That's right WebMonkey! And since there are pirates, we can drink beer!

UtesRus: Good point! And since we have the most Polynesians of any school in the country, we could have Coach Sitake perform the Haka and hand out Lei's to everyone that dresses up in Red-Ute-Pirate-Costumes.

Aaron Rodderick: I think the University of Hawaii...

WebMonkey: No, that's a great idea!! I really like what I'm hearing everybody. This is really fitting in perfect: We have the "pirate ship" that is floating on the "Red Sea of Redness" with Polynesian dancing and leis, since Polynesia is of course near the Carribbean, and Pirates are also from the Carribbean. It all fits perfectly!!

Aaron Rodderick: I don't think that Polynesia is near the Carr...

WebMonkey: No -- it is Aaron -- believe me. I graduated from the U in geography.

Aaron Rodderick: Look, you’ve got like five different metaphors you’re trying to...

TrailerParkUte: Meta-what?

UtesRus: And we could float the Pirate Ship on the Great Salt Lake on its way into the stadium before the game!!

WebMonkey: I don't know about that, I'm pretty sure the Great Salt Lake has a lot of salt in it, which would make the lake really heavy and might sink the Pirate Ship.

Aaron Rodderick: Actually the salt makes the lake more buoyant.

TrailerParkUte: Boy-what?

WebMonkey: Silly Aaron. Remember, you graduated from BYU -- I don't think you're qualified to be talking about scientific phenomenon like the properties of salt water.

TrailerParkUte: Phenome-what?

WebMonkey: Okay, then it's settled. We're going to do the Pirate Theme! This is gonna be so awesome! Those stupid Zoobs are going to be so Jealous. And Kirk Herbstreet will totally feature us on SportsCenter...He's so dreamy.

SeattleUte (CatBlue): Yeah! And we can pass out anti-mormon literature from the Pirate Ship!!

TrailerParkUte: I like squirrels!!

RaiderUte: Yeah! This is going to kick major ... And we can drink beer too!

Aaron Rodderick: (Thinking to himself) I've made a huge mistake.