After an excused absence (since, you know, I have an actual job) I am back and I am pissed. Operation Fire At Will to commence at 9pm MDT. Operation to continue from 9 to 12. Our lead stands at 500K right now and you know that isn't enough. We need 1,000,000 lead by tomorrow which means we need as close to a 250K stretch tonight plus whatever they put up. Easy.
You should know that Cougarboard holds in it's mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around this site -- the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the athletic department, but from the power of Jimmering polls. And we dare not forget that we are heirs to that first generation of folks who could Jimmer polls, so let us go forth, from this time and this place, to claim that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Cougarboarders. Today we make certain, and leave no doubt, to any sports team, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, we will bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of winning this quasi-ridiculous contest.
Now this trumpet of operation fire at will summons us again -- not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need -- not as a call to battle, though embattled we are -- but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, what seems like year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation," a struggle against the common enemies of CB: Captchas.
Will you Join in this Historic Effort?
In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending Jimmer in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility -- I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other CougarBoard generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this community of bretheren will light our school and all who serve it. And the glow from that fire can truly light the world.
Today, liberty is ours. Will you join us?
T-Minus 30 Minutes.