to justify my irritation: e.g. the talk of the city code and the way she talks about her grandkids.

My more considered response: The neighbor is right and I should intentionally set aside my quibbles about the message. There is no way to phrase a message that correctly points out that I am in the wrong in such a way that I will enjoy receiving it. Without other context, I would not assume the neighbor is trying to be rude. Also, you must admit that her legal right to keep your dog off the property and her desire to preserve her yard for her own wholesome purposes are decent arguments.

I just hate feeling like a jerk. There is nothing worse than being called out *and* having the other person be mostly in the right. It makes me want to double down on my bad behavior and embrace my heel turn.