“Dad, I was two min late getting my ROC ticket for OSU and now I’m ded. Tell your cougarfriends people that I will name my first child after anyone who can spare a ticket for a poor frosh, and that I’ll scream from the ROC like a Nordic witch in labor. Or say something funnier if you can.”

(30 seconds later)

“Actually just write what I wrote. Don’t try to come up with something funny.”