My parents kept on trying to explain my doubts away. But as an oldest child I figured my parents were just super gullible and I didn’t want to burst their bubble so I kept my own counsel on the matter.

I still had some remnant of belief, so I confronted them about a toy receipt I found in the trash. Questioning my parents they conceded that they bought some presents, but Santa was still involved.

I figured there was a way to know, so at age 7 I sleuthed out that my parents were hiding things in the closet, so I found out what everyone had for Christmas and then checked it off. Sure enough, the Santa gifts had been in the closet too. Of course ruining Christmas surprises sucked rocks, but I made sure to tell all my siblings and friends the truth.

I figured to play along with the racket to the hilt to maximize the gifts and at age 11 my parents finally took me out to lunch and said something like “we know you’re such a true believer and we’re so sorry to do this to you, other kids will make fun of you in jr high, but you can help us play Santa for your siblings now so keep the secret.”

Oops. I left behind being a cynical truth teller forever, it was not good for me or anyone else.

Merry Christmas CB! Love you guys (and gals)