Provo, UT: The Brigham Young University Football Team announced today in a press conference that they have hired the collective CougarBoard membership as the new Offensive Coordinator. With hundreds of collective years of football experience, it was really quite the logical choice. Head Coach Bronco Mendenhall spoke of the hireing as one of most strategic moves by the university heading into an era of Independence in College Football "When that resume hit my desk, I was floored that no BCS team had thrown their millions at this candidate - the qualifications just speak for themselves. People could go a lifetime and not achieve these levels of experience, dedication, life experiences and spirituality. This will definitely position us well in both recruiting, as well as exposure which is our ultimate goal; not to mention, just think of all the trick plays!"

The qualifications for the newly appointed Assistant Head Football Coach were detailed to the media during the press conference, they included:
- 150+ years of high school football playing experience
- 150+ years of watching college football
- 135,000+ hours of EA Sports NCAA Football and Madden (countless titles won, heismans collected, dynasties created)
- 150+ full time LDS missions served
- Presence in all regions of the US, with some International presence
- More sources than any other univsersity could dream about
- Plethora of Killer Sig Gifs

The University has scheduled a meet and greet with the new hire next month, after the bowl season is complete.