Salt Lake City (AP). The University of Utah has announced that its most frequented attraction has been officially renamed as the Mark Harlan Cry Closet. “We felt it appropriate to memorialize our most popular facility for the individual who has best championed Ute values to the rest of the world” said University President, Taylor Randall.

Owing to persistent long lines and unrelenting demand, university students and faculty are currently allocated five minute blocks within the closet – – one minute for each consecutive loss posted by the Utah football team. In light of recent events, any student citing the recent rivalry game having been “stolen from them” as a reason for requiring the closet will be allocated an extra one minute and 29 seconds, the time on the game clock when said thievery occurred.

When contacted regarding this development, head football coach, Kyle Whittingham had no comment but promptly threw a chair.