I went to one day of organized football practice the summer before my freshman year of high school and then I quit. But I've logged at least 10,000 hours in various football video games, and that, I think, makes me an expert in recruiting and game strategy. Plus all the hours I've spent watching games and highlights and arguing with you noobs.

I think I'm the man for the job. Diana Sabau, if you're reading this, send me a message and we can set up an interview.