This was from a couple years ago so it's a little outdated (esp. number 24) but that's ok, I'm too lazy to change it.

1. Do not EVER bring "something to do" to a game.

2. Do not EVER utter the words "sit down."

3. EVERY football game is important, whether BYU is playing or not. Every game involves a team that BYU has played, might play, is ranked behind, is ranked just ahead of, or plays someone who plays someone who plays BYU. Do not ever ask "why are you watching that game?"

4. A BYU football game is an all-day event. It begins with the morning newspaper, where you can find team analysis and predictions. It continues with the pre-game television and radio programs. After the game, there are post-game shows, which end with the late-night ESPN College Gameday wrapup. It doesn't matter if we already know the scores, and it doesn't matter if we have already heard the information on another show. Every show must be watched/listened to.

5. If BYU is not playing that day, see rule #3.

6. Going to a game is not an opportunity to spend "quality time together," unless your definition of "quality time" includes an in-depth discussion of a safety blitz or double TE formation.

7. Wear blue to the games. I don't care if your shoes match.

8. It is never appropriate to feel sorry for the other team. I don't care how far they are behind, or how many tears their cheerleaders shed.

9. Profanity is not acceptable, but other phrases, such as "Hey ref, do you need to borrow my glasses?" are appropriate, and encouraged in many situations.

10. If BYU wins, be prepared to discuss and evaluate the performance of each player.

11. If BYU loses, it is not the end of the world. Just don't talk to me for a while.

12. We don't need to leave early to beat the traffic.

13. Please make an effort to learn the game well enough to carry on a meaningful "gameday conversation." When I say: "Mahe sure cleared out the middle with that crossing pattern," the appropriate response would be something like: "Yes, it allowed Whalen to get an extra 10 yards once he broke through the line."

14. I don't mind explaining the rules, but don't ask while a play is being run.

15. No, the offense is not allowed to move before the ball is snapped. Yes, the defense is. Deal with it.

16. Stadium dogs just taste better.

17. Yes, I need to get a program for every game.

18. No, their butts do not look cute in those pants.

19. We do not need to time our arrival to the stadium to get there just at kickoff. It's OK to be early.

20. We must be respectful of the opposing team's fans. It is not nice to make fun of the mentally handicapped.

21. With respect to the other teams in the MWC, this is how we see them:
Air Force: The team we respect the most, especially after 9/11.
Colorado State: Evil because they are trying to muscle in on BYU's history of dominance.
New Mexico: They are not good enough for us to REALLY hate. We want their DC.
SDSU: Perrenial underachievers, despite having the best location in the MWC.
UNLV: Think they're much better than they really are.
Utah: Fields a team with players who were not offered a scholarship to BYU.
Wyoming: Drunken Mormon-haters.

22. Don't ask me to justify the list in #21. That's just the way things are.

23. A tight, 3-point victory over Utah is satisfying. A 60-point victory over Utah is preferable.

24. Don't ask me to explain why the MWC champ plays in Memphis.

25. Craig Thompson has gotten a bad rap among BYU fans. He has done a couple of good things for the MWC. Mostly, he is just an idiot.

26. The BCS is the single biggest fraud in college sports today. Don't ask me why, unless you intend to spend the rest of the day discussing it.

27. Yes, I'd still feel the same way about the BCS if BYU were included.

28. Beer commercials are funny. No, I don't need to talk to the Bishop about it.

29. Saturday + Fall = College Football. Don't try to change it. Just live with it.

30. Rebroadcasts of the game at a later time must be watched as well.

31. Helmets are not called "hats."

32. Do not ask us to accompany you to the restroom.

33. Uniforms are not "outfits."

34. No, football games are not just 60 minutes.

35. We have to stay to the end of blowouts. That's the part where we can see next year's players.

36. No, it is not a little "fishy" for them to hold hands in the huddle.