Once after being called "two-faced," he quipped, “If I had two faces, why would
I be wearing this one?"
He also told this story, which was relayed by portrait painter Francis B. Carpenter (1830-1900):
[While riding a train,] I was once accosted … by a stranger, who said, "Excuse me, sir, but I have an article in my possession which rightfully belongs to you." "How is that?" I asked, considerably astonished. The stranger took a jackknife from his pocket. "This knife," said he, "was placed in my hands some years ago with the injunction that I was to keep it until I found a man uglier than myself. I have carried it from that time to this. Allow me now to say, sir, that I think you are fairly entitled to the property.”