I thought some of you might like seeing Tyscat's brilliant work he did with regards to the Utah rivalry. During rivalry week each year he would write an email to all of his Ute friends, and would bcc: some of his other friends/CBers. Unfortunately, I only have three of the emails - some of you may have been receiving them for longer, so feel free to post those as well. His sharp wit and passion for BYU (and the rivalry in general) really come through.  So without further adieu, here is the first one I received from him, dated 9/16/11.

"Subject: BYU By Eleventy Bazillion..."

Wait. What?

 

It's rivalry week? Holy War time? Already? This isn't right. I haven't had time to prepare.

 

Haha. Right. Pretty sure I spend all year preparing. What do you guys think I do at "work" all day? Let's jump right in. Ten games. Enjoy!

Game #1. How many Ute stereotypes can you identify in the following picture? Try really hard. I've got at least 8 but I am sure that you can come up with plenty more.

 

Congratulations. Now you know where the "stereotypes" come from (as if we didn't already know--but it is nice to see so many of them consolidated into one picture).

Game #2. Visit http://www.BYUrejects.com - Boom! Brought to you by the University of Utah's Marketing and Recruiting Office.

Game #3. Can you list of the Top 10 things the Utes should do with their BCS money? Here's a start:

1. "Fix" Cold Fusion Reactor
2. Upgrade the pirate ship
3. Pay some fans to come to basketball games
4. Increase the crazy dancing lady's salary
5. Buy their own blackberries to throw
6. Imported beer to pour on BYU fans
7. Increased counseling for little brother complex
8. Longer shorts for mens basketball team
9. Hire Bronco and/or Coach Rose (already have Whittingham, Sitake, and Roderick).
10. Subscribe to BYUtv so they can watch real sports

Of course, let's remember that Utah get's 0% of that BCS money this year. And only 25% of it next year. And only 75% of it the year after that. I guess I shouldn't have been quite so extravagant. Probably need to pare (no, not pair or pear) it down a bit.

 

Game #4. Lists are fun. How about the Top 15 reasons why the Utes are the "Best Program in America". Do you know them? Because I do!

 

1. Beat Alabama for "National Championship" in 2008
2. Pac-12
3. Andrew Bogut
4. Pac-12
5. 6 consecutive conference championships from 1928 to 1933
6. 12-5 Bowl Record All Time
7. NIT Champions 1947
8. Keith Van Horn
9. AAU Champions 1916
10. Crazy Lady Halftime Dance
11. Jim Boylen
12. Digital Camo Under Armor Uniforms (a/k/a Knock-Off Wish-we-had Nike Pro-Combat Unis)
13. Shona Thornburn Drafted by Minnesotta Lynx in 2006
14. Alex Smith
15. Less Mormon than BYU

Game #5. For those of you who think that I'm all about pointing fingers and making fun, let's get factual. How about wins/losses since 2006 (in the sports that matter: Football and Men's Basketball). Can you guess? BYU: 12; Utah: 3. Seriously. No wonder you guys don't want to play BYU anymore. BYU's wins and losses:

 

• 2006 FB - W
• 2006 BB - W
• 2006 BB - W
• 2007 FB - W
• 2007 BB - W
• 2007 BB - W
• 2008 FB - L
• 2008 BB - L
• 2008 BB - W
• 2009 FB - W
• 2009 BB - W
• 2009 BB - W
• 2010 FB - L
• 2010 BB - W
• 2010 BB - W

Game #6. Jimmer. http://youtu.be/<wbr />2XVMMGI2JcI

 

Game #7. Remember how awesome it was when College GameDay came for the Utah/TCU game? The Utes had so many fans there. It was crazy! What a great day that was for the University of Utah. Herbstreit even put on that old Utah leather helmet. Remember? But then Lee Corso worked his magic and gave the world one of the greatest quotes in the history of all mankind: http://youtu.be/<wbr />FnMgXAzk9EU 

 

Game #8. Name the mascot. For years and years I thought that Utah was the Runnin' Utes. Then it seemed like everyone just called them the Utes. And then my understanding of Utah's mascot was completely blown out of the water when I saw this bird like thing walking around on the sidelines. What was that all about? Swoop? The red-tailed hawk? But do you know about the "other" mascot the Utes have? I bet you don't. Let me introduce you to the not-so-well-known Ute Wolf!

 

 

Can't you people get it straight. For the love. (Some people think you should just adopt the crazy dancing lady as your mascot -- I agree.)

 

Game #9. We've already spent plenty of time covering Utah's coveted move to the Pac10+2. For Utes' sake (hehe, that sounds funny), let's hope you have more success competing against your new liberal-biased conference-mates than you had against the lowly opponents found in the MWC. Here is a breakdown of MWC conference and tournament championships between 1999 and 2010 for BYU and Utah:

 

1999-2010 BYU=40 regular season championships + 90 tourney championships

1999-2010 Utah=23 regular season championships + 16 tourney championships

 

(http://www.deseretnews.com/<wbr />article/700033185/Cougars-<wbr />carry-on-as-MWCs-top-<wbr />stockpiler-of-keepsakes.html?<wbr />pg=1)

 

So BYU has 2x as many regular season championships and nearly 6x as many tourney championships. Stupid facts. Don't you hate them?

 

Game #10. Sing-a-long-time. You Are a Pirate! http://www.youtube.<wbr />com/watch?v=VYAIW_NUSaI

 

Bonus Game. Pictures. Worth way more than 1000 words.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fun stuff. If you want the profanity-laced pictures, let me know. I thought I would hold back on those.

 

Well, I recognize that this is the Holy War and that all of you Utah fans feel like this:

 

 

And this:

 

 

But I want you to know that I have matured over the last weeks and months. Truly, I have (and yes, I'll call you Truly if I want to). Unlike you, I am taking the high road. I want you to know that:

 

 

and so do I. Best of luck on Saturday. BYU by eleventy bazillion.

--Tyson