reveal his subconscious and futile attempt to mask the shame he feels, having aided and abetted the enemy. You see, he's not angry at BYU, he's angry with himself. He can't come to terms with his true self, the reality he so desperately wants to escape. Such deep psychological, self-inflicted scars can only be healed by facing them, which he finds too overwhelming. Maybe someday he'll reconcile the struggle within...maybe.