We try out best to have regular dates. I do all the laundry, I do a lot of the yard work. We share cooking and I almost always do the dishes, take care of the trash, etc. I taxi the kids to their various activities. I do these things already to help lighten her load.
Even when I've bought her things like a massage or nails, or whatever.....almost always I'm the one who has to schedule it for her or else she won't do it. Then when that time comes I practically have to force her out the door. Of course when she comes back she's always glad she did it, even though there's still some guilt there.
I've tried setting up girls nights out and I usually get the response..."Well I'd just rather spend the time with you", but I feel like she's missing the point.