So there I am, sitting in the most fluorescent-lit room imaginable, the kind where the lights buzz just loud enough to make you question your sanity. This was traffic school: an endless parade of slideshows on turn signals and proper merging etiquette. I was halfway through a video about safe following distances when the door creaked open, and in walks this guy with a swagger that just didn’t belong in a room full of people who forgot to use their blinkers.

The instructor stops mid-sentence and stares, and so does everyone else. This guy, Kyle Whittingham (or at least that’s what his name tag says) strides in like he’s entering a sports arena. He has on aviator sunglasses – inside, mind you – and a turtleneck under a leather trench coat. He leans back in his chair, pops open a bag of fritos, and just gives everyone this nod, like we’re supposed to be impressed.

Some poor soul tries to break the ice, muttering, “What’d you do to end up here?”

Kyle just shrugs, “Did a three-point turn on I-80” He says it casually with his mouth full of chips, like this is the kind of thing that just happens to him on a Tuesday. The room falls silent again, everyone trying to decide if he’s serious or just messing with us.

Throughout the class, Kyle keeps chiming in with these bizarre observations. When the instructor talks about speed limits, he raises a hand and asks, “But if you’re moving fast enough, isn’t it technically time travel?” And he’s dead serious about it. At one point, he interrupts the part about emergency braking to suggest we “just open the door and drag a foot” if we’re going too fast. Nobody laughs, but he looks around like he just told the funniest joke in the world.

Finally, we get to the Q&A session at the end, and the instructor opens the floor to questions. Kyle raises his hand and asks while tossing his fun size frito bag in the trash like a basketball, “So, if I happen to take a shortcut through a cornfield, is that considered off-roading or crop trespassing?” A corn field?

Needless to say, I don’t think anyone took away much from that class except for a string of questions we’ll be pondering for the rest of our lives. And just like he arrived, Kyle left, giving a little salute as he walked out the door – presumably to take his next turn in life the wrong way down a one-way street.