Utah knows that Retzlaff plays poorly against man coverage and in spite of this, our offense will roll out in the first half expecting to perform the same way we have thus far all season. There will be no plan by ARod to counter this man coverage, we will play into the Ute defensive plan, and BYU will struggle to move the ball. Scalley will be cackling like a rabid hyena on the sidelines. On top of that, Utah will capitalize on our mistakes and force turnovers. We will, undoubtedly, make some really awful, boneheaded mistakes. It is the rivalry way. Our defense will keep us in the game, though.

Utah will lead at halftime 13-10.

It's going to look bleak. There will be much weeping and wailing on Cougarboard. Ute fans will be ravenously delighted. ESPN will often cut to Utah fans dancing in the stands like drunken pirates, and then to BYU fans throwing up their hands and shaking their heads, looking dejected and confused, but classy. You'll hear things from the announcers like "You get a feeling that Utah is turning things around" and "Wow, where has this been the last four games?" and it's going to make you feel sick.

But fear not, little children.

For in the deep, blue cold of the second half, our vampire coug powers will awaken and we will rise to the occasion. Our defense will elevate their already impressive performance with a positive turnover margin and, more importantly, points off turnovers. Our offense will play into what the Utes give them, resulting in twice the second half yards we gained the first half. The announcers are now saying things like "It was only a matter of time before this happened. Look at how strong and powerful BYU looks out there. Such a turnaround from the first half." The cameras will zoom into the most disgusting, sloven, shirtless Ute fans who stand shivering in the cold, like a jello jiggler with a handful of hair thrown onto it.

The game will end with a BYU victory, 30-23. BYU fans will be beaming with joy and goodwill toward men. All will be well.