I, like all of you, was disgusted by Harlan's outburst after the game. But I was so ready to forgive him and move on. I thought he'd apologize for losing his cool, but instead, his apology doubled down on everything that made his post-game comments problematic. I don't think he even understands why it was such a bad move.

Mark: when you say: "we won but it was stolen from us," there are so many things wrong with that statement. Here's a list:

Fan Response

You are undermining the credibility of the refs in the minds of your fans. People already jokingly say that conference refs fix the results to favor the undefeated team. If there was some big conspiracy behind that, it would be disgusting. And you're undermining the credibility of the league.

Competitiveness 

Losing and saying: "But it wasn't FAIR" is the most anti-competitive thing I think I've ever seen. Your offense didn't score 1 point in the second half. Your defense allowed BYU to go 70 yards in 70 seconds with no timeouts AFTER the holding call (which actually should have been a hands-to-the-face penalty... which is the ONLY reason you got the sack). How are you playing the victim? Why don't you take one ounce of ownership over why you lost?

Attacking the Conference 

Your fans already have the reputation of thinking they're too good for the conference. Do YOU think that as well? Because you sure made it look like that.

Why in the world would the Big 10 invite you if you act like this? You don't bring an enormous fan base like Texas. You don't have an amazing history like USC. You had some momentum, but that's it.

My high school basketball coach cut a player who was good enough to be on the team. But his MOM was such a cancer, he wasn't good enough to have to deal with his mom.

You are that mom. You are that cancer. It's not that your program is bad. It's that your attitude is bad. And it's a shame, while some fans have been annoying, most of your fans just love their team and are great fans.

As AD, you are supposed to be the adult in the room

You are in charge of the athletic department. You are supposed to be an example and tone-setter for the young men. You are supposed to put them in positions to succeed. Not whine because YOU are mad. You're supposed to represent your university in a way that makes people proud to cheer for it. But you didn't. You had as bad a post-game rant as any 20-year-old player in the HISTORY of the rivalry. And you still didn't give a real apology. You would probably discipline a player that acted like that.

The Biggie: Sportsmanship to the Opponent

Anyone who has played sports at any level understands this. When you get beat, you have to congratulate your opponent on playing well. Have you ever won something and had your little brother scream: "But it wasn't FAIR! He cheated."

That response takes some amount of joy out of your opponent. Instead of focusing on what they did right, they are now stuck arguing why their win was legitimate.

You could credit BYU 1 time, but you didn't. Hollowly saying: "they're having a good season" is not the same thing as saying: "I don't want to take it away from them, they played a great game." Because they DID do a lot of great things in that game, so easy to acknowledge it:

• Halftime adjustments on defense were insane. They went from giving up 21 points in the first half to giving up 0 points in the second. By the way, that's why you lost, not the refs.
• They had a gutsy TD drive to go down 2.
• Even after the holding call, they drove 70 yards in 70 seconds. That's an insane feat, and your defense STILL could have stopped them.

Give BYU an ounce of credit. Refusing to do so is such a prideful move.

Since you don't seem to have any understanding of WHY what you did was wrong, let's further help. Given the points above, here's what a real apology would look like. I'll even allow you to still complain about the officiating:

"In the heat of the moment, I did a press conference complaining about the officiating. I am truly sorry, that was the wrong move. BYU played a great game, and they deserved to celebrate. Congrats to them on their stellar defense, that great last drive, and their terrific fans. We look forward to working with them in the future.

I was gutted because I saw my student-athletes give an incredible effort, and I felt a bad call lead to them losing rather than their play. But I absolutely could have called the commissioner to complain instead of publicly undermining this game.

Our student athletes should also be commended, they played incredibly hard. RES and the amazing atmosphere our fans put together was the talk of the nation. Because of my emotional outburst, the conversation has been about me, instead of being about the effort our players made and the atmosphere our fans and marketing team created.

We love being in the Big 12. We look forward to a great many years in the league. There are great programs with terrific history. Utah is poised to have a good showing in the Big 12. I shouldn't have said what I said, it was an emotional outburst, and it took away from these two great programs on the field and the amazing game we all witnessed.

Go Utes."

I was so ready to just hear your apology and encourage people to forgive you. I've said things in the heat of the moment that I regret before, we ALL have. That's life. I was willing to give you grace for that.

And, heck, I'm going to forgive you anyway, because that's how it should be handled.

But your apology wasn't an apology. You didn't rectify ONE of my points above. You instead DOUBLED DOWN on the points above. You gave 0 credit to your opponents. You gave 0 credit to the conference. You doubled down on the game being stolen. 

And I'm sorry, that's a loser move. You lost the game, and it's a shame you chose a loser response as well.

And like the toxic mom of my high-school friend who didn't make the team, you're only hurting your program.

Utah: it may be time to part ways with Harlan. Harlan: It may be time to grow up.