Just want to say that good teams win games, and it doesn’t matter how they win, they just win. So, props to the Mighty Cougars. They won. And they’ve done it nine times in a row this year. Respect.

None of what follows changes the above. This is solely intended to allow me to keep up my twice a decade posting streak on Cougarboard to maintain my membership status, and also hopefully to whine about stuff in a way that will bother you.

The thing I want to say, as a loyal member of the gang that is the jolliest that you have ever seen, is JUST THAT HOOOOBOYYYYY THAT WAS A SUPER SUCKY WAY TO LOSE A GAME. HOOOOBOY.

I think I’d rather take the beefy five layer treatment than endure that one again.

But the thing I really want to say, and probably just to help you fist rolling navel gazers on Cougarboard understand more about us, your morally superior red-clad brethren, is that, yes, it was a hold.

But, even though it was a hold, I still think it’s a sucky call and I’m still a little testy about it and will be for all eternity, and I’ll tell you why.

It’s the freaking inconsistency of it. I get that refs miss calls - the facemask you all have leaned into like Ted Bundy leaned into leisure suits, or the 15 yarder Utah got on a phantom blindside block on a freaking fair caught punt, or that horrible injustice inflicted on Mark Harlan at the end of the game, or poor Brandon Bradley and his downed knees - I get all that. It happens. Refs are a holes and should never be trusted.

But what makes my hackles burn like the bubonic plague is just the inconsistency. These are not missed calls. These are calls that are entirely out of character of the way the game has been called and that players and coaches have adjusted to. It’s like the ending of Game of Thrones played out on a football field.

The Landon King hold on Utah’s last possession on what looked like a first down, that instead put Utah back in 3rd and 11 on their way to yet another glorious punt, I promise you, even those of you within whom the spirit of the Zoob is the strongest, that you will find at least, AT LEAST, 25 uncalled offensive holds throughout that game that were far more offensive to your life and worldview than that hold called on King.

And the Defensive Hold Heard Round The World, yes, handsy play. But, like, one reason Utah’s offense in the second half was as productive as I was with the ladies at Bountiful High in 1994 (read: shut out) is that your guy Markee Post Collins was as handsy with Saint Dorian Singer on two straight possessions to start the half as Goatnapper was with his wife on his honeymoon. Handsy. Consequential plays, handsy, no flags. And it happened throughout the game, and throughout the season, on both sides last night and on all sides throughout the season, and it just doesn’t get called. So all freaking year these Big 12 refs seem to be down with handsy the same way Greg Wrubell is down with shmarmy - just constant and consistent. Just constant handsy plays by DBs, unflagged, all year long, and for 58 minutes last night.

And then, for reasons known only to Nature herself and also probably to Ron McBride, the mouth breathing ref used his pudgy, smelly little hands to pull out his greasy, bacteria-filled flag and drop it on the sacred turf at Rice Eccles Stadium.

So two big, consequential calls that seemed no more egregious than stuff not called for 58 minutes.

And the best part is, it gives us losers of the game stuff to complain about, rather than just owning up to the fact that good teams win games, and the better team almost always wins the rivalry game, and BYU is a good team and the better team. And I can’t believe I just typed that and I’m on my way to gouge out my eyes with the claw end of a hammer.

So anyway, props to the fist-rollers. Fun night. Legendary game. And, congrats, to you, fans of the Mighty Cougars, as you absolutely lead the nation in at least two important categories:

1. The highest pitch of any collective fanbase, like your entire group is comprised only of Frankie Valli.

2. The most gear worn of the correct color that actually isn’t gear and has no discernible BYU ties, but can be worn appropriately in many situations. You are a utilitarian, value-driven bunch, and I salute you.

Excited to post again before 2029!